I was reading the blog of a girl and from link to link I ended up reading an interview of an American woman who has married a Saudi man. I liked this idea and since myself, I married a foreigner (an Iranian), I was thinking it would be nice to publish an interview with our dearest friends: Jean and Reza. I have come to meet them thanks to my husband and I can say they are one of those people who are as good as they get.

Jean, Reza and Odie at Caledonia waterfall, Cyprus

Nationality
American

Years married
25 years this year

Children & ages
3 children ages 30,19 and 17. The oldest is my husband's stepson, so you see what a good person my husband is that he's accepted my oldest son as his own son (and it was really a necessary requirement too). The oldest even has my husband's surname. I think that puts holes in any stereotype someone may have that Iranian men would not be as all embracing in family life as Western men.

How did you two meet?
We met in Haifa, Israel on Pilgrimage to visit the Baha'i holy places. We met on the last day at an informal talk in the Old Pilgrim house. I sat with the Iranians listening to Hand of the Cause Mr. Furatan who was speaking in Persian, even though I didn't understand a word; I loved being with the Iranians and listening to his voice speaking that language.

How has your life changed since you married an Iranian man?
Hugely, I would still be in my rural hometown of 8,000 people in Oregon probably living next door to my family. We have lived in five countries, traveled to many more, my children have had wonderful multi-cultural open-minded life experiences plus they have learned much about duty, responsibility and dignity that is not in my culture - it is what their Iranian father contributes to. In other words, my limited world has expanded in a physical way so imagine how my mind and attitudes have changed.

What do you appreciate most about the Iranian culture?
Most Iranians are genuinely courteous, kind, sincere, generous, sociable and have a fun-loving approach and great curiosity of foreigners, and also a certain open-handed innocence that is very lovable.

What was your first cultural shock in your relationship with your husband?
Remember this was 25 years ago: I thought of young Iranian men as being, at first, possessive and a bit jealous, so when we first married I became very cautious not to speak to or even look at other men as a way of showing my loyalty. Many years have past and it's much different for us as an old married couple who now wish to be very loving and friendly with all.

Have your in-laws accepted you when you were first introduced to them?
I was a bit of a disappointment to them by not dressing so glamorously, not wearing enough make-up and my inability to sing, dance or recite poetry nor to speak Farsi, which was a surprise to my husband's sisters who are so fluent themselves in other languages. Now it's a different story, I know they appreciate my Western strengths to get on with things in the face of difficulties.


Did your parents accept your choice of husband?
Yes, my father had already passed away and my mother, who was a very loving person yet had the prejudices of Americans at that time, was worried not that he was Iranian, but that he might be 'black'. She gave her consent for us to marry. We married in London and when they met many years afterwards, she loved him very much.


What is your favorite Iranian food?
It has to be Ghormeh Sabzi. My husband's sisters taught me to cook it and I've learned that there is no exact right recipe. Iranian food tastes good even if you have to change a few ingredients or leave something out when you can't find it when you live abroad. Also everyone likes even burnt Tahdig.


How do you think the marriage to an Iranian man has changed you?
I like to think we have kept the good parts of each other's cultures and thrown out the useless ones. Marrying into a different culture requires many more adjustments than marrying someone of a different race. I've had to strip away many cultural norms that Americans might take for granted because we need to peacefully get on with our lives so: no overt American patriotism and changed expectations about being on time to appointments.

Do you celebrate the Iranian festivals and which ones?
We have only found common ground to celebrate Naw-Ruz and American Halloween!


Tell us a funny story about a cultural difference that you experienced.
My husband is an architect, so at the time, our house had pristine white modern walls with a minimalist design. When my husband's father first came to stay with us from Iran (he had been unable to get a visa for many years) he came through the front door, he looked around the house somehow not realizing the great architectural statement we were trying to make, and very kindly offered to hammer a nail into the wall as it seemed there was no place for him to hang his hat.

What advice would you give to other girls who are engaged to an Iranian man?
Learn to speak Persian, you life will be easier. Resist all Iranian social pressure to: wear black on all special occasions, demand your children become doctors or engineers, haggle with a shop keeper down to the lowest price (your future husband can do that!) Relax, and become part of the family very quickly.